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I am just shy of four months of living in Spain. Imagine it is a beautiful sunny day, the top is down on my little European car that putts along the countryside road, my hair is blowing in the wind and I can feel the humidity caress my face. I visit the neighboring village with their cobalt blue doors and the flower pots hanging on the walls holding red Geranium flowers that POP in contrast against the white walls. I sit outside the local coffee shop, I am the only foreigner in site. I also contrast with locals wearing my large sun hat and a floral dress that drapes just over my knees showing my sculpted legs as the men pass whispering to each other as they stare, they don't see me watching them through my sunglasses as I just sip on my afternoon wine accompanied by freshly made tapas, the sun works on darkening my olive tone skin. Nothing to worry about just the sun, fresh air, food and freedom of enjoying the moment.

PSYCH! That was the Hollywood version. The real version goes something like this... It is hot as hell, and the air conditioner in my old dinky car doesn't work and I roll down all the windows, praying they will roll back up later. I can feel the drips of sweat running down my back and I know when I get to my destination I am going to be a hot mess. Passing through the neighboring village and seeing the beauty yet getting lost through these tiny, single lane streets and no where to turn my car around so I try to drive backwards hoping I don't hit a car or house. When I finally get to a main road again, my GPS is wacked from the heat, I stop the car in the middle of the road with a line of cars behind me and tourists walking from every direction I swear I am going to hit someone one of these days. I ask the three old men sitting on a bench watching the world around them, which road will take me home (you can always count on the older people). I am thankfully I am still full from my mid-afternoon breakfast standard of Zumo Naranja and a fresh tomato and cheese sandwich. I just want to get out of this heat and direct sun and now I am on that winding road home, I know you and how much you scare S#!t out of me.

The first two months are such a blur with all the chaos. I lost my job because I couldn't get internet in the house for two months. I ended up wearing the same clothes for two months because I had shipped my clothes separately and customs was not having it. I had issues with my documentation, false promises for a job that in the end I never got and all other jobs I qualify for require you speak Dutch, yes you read that correctly a lot of of Dutch companies are based out here. With every obstacle I have to remind myself "Girl, you are living your dream" and the truth is exactly that.

I AM HERE, and I have been in the process of healing and re-finding myself without the pressures I had back home that were driving me mad. I am living a slow life, I still enjoy waking up early but I am not running out the door. I take my time with my coffee in the morning and determine if it is a day of dealing with important things or can it wait until tomorrow? All important events such as banks, legal, etc... are open from 8am-2pm after that you just try again the next day. I love this concept because you only have to stress for a portion of your day, and the rest of the day you can enjoy as you please.

Everything I need is in walking distance and if I want something special, that is the only time I really have to leave town. When I walk to the grocery store and people say hello and once you see them more than a few times the conversation turns into "how are you". I have made friends along the way and spent time around town to realize that I made a good choice with my town for what I was looking for; my necessities, peacefulness, entertainment and community. I had to go into another city today that was full of tourists and I am glad our town doesn't get that crowded and I get to spend more time with the Spanish natives learning the culture and language.

Things are looking up but that doesn't mean I have it all figured out, I don't. Every day I am learning something new and there are still some important things I need to do that make me nervous but I will get through those as well when the time comes. I have had some time to decorate my house and now it feels like home. Time to cry, to laugh, to dance, to share but mostly have peace not just in my surroundings but also in my heart and soul.

I have time to watch the sunset in the evenings, listen to the birds chirp as the sun goes down, watch the kids play in the streets like how I did when I was child. Neighbors coming together every weekend sharing the events of their week. Go out to the

town bars have a couple of drinks with some friends and walk home at 2am, 3am, 4am and not fear my life. The streets are actually so surreal in those hours when it's quiet yet sometimes you hear an infant crying for it's mom, or the dogs barking as you pass. The vision of the moon is so clear and it feels as if you could reach out your hand and grab it.

I have been getting to know me again, and my passions knowing the world is my canvas here. I just need to start painting it. First step is always the hardest. I have met amazing people who make me laugh and don't call me dramatic and see the beauty in my passion for life even if they don't agree with everything I say. There is no contest here, people just want to see your heart and if you are a nice person or cold hearted. I am home, this is the world I belong in. We all want that Hollywood version, nothing is like Hollywood, but it has been a joy to be here and I have NO REGRETS!

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