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Updated: Nov 30, 2023

We all have a story of trauma, healing and triumph. Some things are easier to over come and others take longer. I myself am in the process of healing and finding myself yet again. We all can relate to different phases in our lives and taking the time to reflect and grow from our experiences, but what happens when you skip a reflection period or two in your life time and how does it affect the results of your life experience?

I can speak from my own experiences and can say that I finally after 27 years, that is correct 27 years am finally taking the time to reflect. I happened to skip a few parts of healing and reflection. I probably had the time here and there but I didn't know what was breaking me, to understand how to approach it. Again, I am sure each and everyone of us has some experience just as such.

We tend to beat ourselves up even more when we don't take the time to reflect and understand what has just happened to us. The dangerous part of that is our health and happiness. We can lose ourselves in this process of keep looking forward. Yes, it is good not to hold on to the past, but it is just as important to take the time to reflect, heal and then move forward. These parts of healing are times of silence and sometimes when we are alone. Many go to therapy to find that peace and others may find that time on a hike, road trip, etc... min some sort of time in solitude.

I have not had quiet in my head for a long time, that it feels uncomfortable. Even though I know it is good. I have this knot in my stomach when I don't have a plan, nothing to do, or any where to go. I go on hikes, visit new towns, talk to new people, every time I go to the grocery store that I walk to and just as I leave from my neighborhood on top of the mountain there is this spot that I can see the whole valley. I stop and take in a deep breath and remind myself that I am living, but that knot doesn't go away. I don't have the answer how to get rid of that pain, but I do understand I have many years of healing to catch up on. I had two divorces, toxic people in my life from different parts, children with medical issues, and the list goes on and on... I lost myself and now is the time to learn who I am again and to love myself, maybe even for the first time.

With that being said, that doesn't mean the world has to stop and that each experience is going to be easier and the knot is magically going to go away. The funny part in my experience is that I have had many people reach out to me, and shockingly even people I look up to; tell me that I inspired them to make a decision on life changing obstacles that they were faced with. I cannot express enough how shocked I was to hear these stories. That brings me to the next point, that people see what we do during our hard times and how we handle them, and it can push people away or inspire. So, remember to always be true to yourself and what you need in your time of healing and reflection because you never really know what someone else is faced with and how you being you can help another person without even knowing it.

As I am growing and learning who I am in this stage of my life, I have a wall that is placed somewhere I see it everyday; I write with chalk on it when I can accept the beautiful things of who I am and becoming. I know everyone else sees us differently and this is personal. We have to believe who we are and yes it helps tremendously when another person complements us, but reflection and healing is a personal journey. That is why solitude is such an important part of it. Little by little I believe that knot will slowly disappear and I now know moving forward to take time for myself more, and to put just as much energy into myself as I did towards others over the years.

Stay as long as you NEED to but don't over stay. As a beautiful soul I recently met said "Don't keep bringing up the negativity , because you will only stay in the negativity" You will know, I don't know how to explain it to you but you will know when it's time to start taking those steps forward and move on. The crazy part, it does feel like you are that new kid in school all over again because you are new and you see life in a different light, but you are going to be just fine. Stay true to you and know even though the journey is lonely you are not alone. I wish you the best, for those that needed to hear this.

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